Thursday June 17, 2021: your favorite author is watching game 6 of the NBA Eastern Conference Semi’s when he decides to hit send on this fire tweet:
Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve used this strategy to make my Twitter followers hold me accountable with a nut shot. The other time it was to make sure I mowed my lawn, so these stakes are a little higher. Before you say anything about me being impulsive, I’ve been ready to go to an Old Milwaukee Bucks Finals for 3 years. The problem is the Bucks have not been ready.
You’re wondering when I became a Bucks fan? When Giannis got really freaking good. We don’t cheer for teams in the NBA, we cheer for players. And Giannis is one of my boys and happens to play an hour away from my brother’s house. If I’m ever going to an NBA Finals Game, this is my chance.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves. The Bucks hadn’t even made it out of the conference semi’s yet. Here is me describing every Bucks game and my corresponding hot takes in full detail for the next two weeks.
JK. LOL. No one wants to hear me poorly describe sports, and definitely no one wants to hear my sports opinions. However, somehow thanks to Adam Silver, my beloved Bucks had punched their ticket to the NBA Finals. And I was prepared to get punched somewhere else.
With the Finals set, I check the schedule with hope that I can catch game two or three in Milwaukee on a Saturday: drive up Friday see my brother, say hi to the niblings, won’t miss any work. It’ll be great! Adam Silver looked me straight in the eyes with his butler in a haunted mansion look and said, “Nah B, game 3 is on Sunday.”
“Eric, it’s on a Sunday, can’t you just go to the game and miss part of work on Monday?” Well, it’s not that easy. I took 2 days off a couple weeks earlier, and my boss makes it seem like taking time off in Summer is the worst sin one can commit.
Okay so Milwaukee isn’t going to work, just give up right? Wrong, there’s a direct flight from Sufu to Phoenix. Where are you going to stay? I’m going to inconvenience my best friend’s sister because he inconveniences me by trying to get people to go to his fundraiser. (September 12. I’ll pay you to go with me just so Andrew shuts up.) Let’s do this, baby!
I flew out late Saturday morning, only told 4 people on my volleyball team and my brother-in-law. My dad did not believe me when I sent a picture of the court to the family group chat.
I know someone is going to ask who I went to the game with. The answer is no one. I do 90% of the activities in my life on my own. I have no problem going to the NBA Finals game by myself. I have no doubt that I’ll make friends at the game. Plus the friends I have that can afford to go to the NBA Finals don’t want to, and the friends that would want to go can’t afford it. Schrodinger‘s Finals. It was briefly brought up to my one friend who fits both categories, but he said it was a lot of money. I took that as a no. Then he got mad when I told him I went to Game Five. Don’t be hesitant, kids.
One of my biggest dilemmas with the trip was what to wear. I’m a Milwaukee fan…okay, I pretend to be…I know deep down I’m going to cheer for the Bucks, but I also don’t want to get the crap beat out of me by a Suns-in-Four guy, so I made a business decision to wear my Penny Hardaway jersey. I like Chris Paul and Devin Booker, so I have no problem faking being a Suns fan.
A smaller dilemma: I’m going to be in Phoenix for less than 24 hours. Do I even need to bring a bag? I thought I’d look suspicious without one so I threw a change of underwear and a drawstring bag and called it good. My best friends Catie and Derek picked me up from the airport and we got lunch at this cute lil brewery and I hopped on the train and was off to the game!
There were people protesting the dairy industry outside of the stadium. I’m not an expert, but I think they would have better results doing that in Wisconsin rather than Arizona. Their boss probably wouldn’t let them off for Game Three either.
Only for a moment was I filled with trepidation. The bad part is it was getting into the game. Here is a screenshot of my digital ticket. Notice anything weird? There’s no barcode or anything. I thought I was getting scammed when I bought it. Thankfully I got in…somehow.
As you can tell by my seat ticket I’m in the upper deck. As I’m climbing I’m thinking there’s got to be like 20 rows up there so row 14 I’m towards the back half, but still pretty good. No, jokes on me: dead last row back against the wall. Bright side: I can see the whole court from here! I was just happy to be in the building.
I made friends with the guys sitting next to me. True Suns fans are just happy to be there. Here’s my favorite interaction of the night:
Jumbotron: (showing attractive people in the 100 level)
Me: Think there’s a chance we get on there?
Homeboy: Dude, are you serious?
Me:…
Homeboy: Haha, man I thought you were serious. Nah, Don’t get your hopes up.
So my girl Vanessa Hudgens sang the national anthem. She did a great job. Homegirl still has pipes. I blacked out a little when she started singing. It was so good, one might say, I was living in my own world. For real if I was her, I’d start putting out music again…could be the start of something new.
I know everyone hates my basketball opinion, so I’m only going to share four of my thoughts during the game.
- Jae Crowder hit two three-pointers in the first five minutes. I was thinking, “This sucks. I’m going to have to watch my third least favorite player in NBA history (1. Kobe 2. DWade) have the game of his life in the NBA Finals.”
- Chris Paul can see the whole court. Trust me, I would know, I was in the last row.
- Phoenix was up 32 to 16 in the first quarter. I was thinking I was going to see the biggest blowout in Finals history. Thankfully the league is rigged and the Bucks shot lights out and played their way back in.
- Devin Booker is really good. He dropped 40 like it was nothing. I was impressed.
For my readers who don’t care about basketball, here’s a little tidbit. The Suns’ gorilla is the greatest mascot in sports. It is just a cheap gorilla costume. I could buy the same one on Amazon for 50 bucks. Also what does a gorilla have to do with the sun? Who knows. (Shrug Emoji) That’s like asking why a gorilla is under water in the first place. (They’re onto us, George.) [new record for the dumbest pop culture reference on the blog!]
Okay, so I’m burying the lede here. At halftime I went to take a second mortgage out on my house so I could get another beer in the concourse. As I’m waiting in line to pay for my overpriced beer, who is behind me? None other than Kendall Jenner. I about crapped my pants, I mean the hottest girl in the world who’s dating the second best player on the court is behind me in line getting a pretzel. I was trying to be smooth and brought up the fact that we use the same sunscreen and showed her my tweet. She awkwardly laughed and she actually paid for my beer, which was nice of her. I asked her for a picture and she courteously obliged.
I would like to debunk one theory. Giannis does not take more than 10 seconds to shoot a free throw. The Suns fans count really fast.
The worst part of the game was not being able to cheer for the Bucks when they did good things. The Jrue Holiday strip alleyoop to Giannis will go down as one of the greatest plays in NBA history and I saw it live. And I was not allowed to cheer for it. It sucked.
Besides the game itself, my highlight was a conversation waiting for a train outside the stadium after the game.
Dude comes up to me: “Bro is that a throwback Booker? That is so sick!”
Me: “It’s actually a Penny Hardaway.” (Thumbs to name plate)
Dude: “That’s sick! That’s how I know you’re a real Suns fan!” (Slaps me on the shoulder like we’re best friends)
Me (internally) “Thanks, I bought it 5 years ago at a thrift shop in South Dakota.”
On the plane ride home, knowing it’s illegal to beat people up in an airport, I proudly supported my 2013 Nate Walters Bucks jersey. As I’m boarding the plane the flight attendant goes, “No you can’t wear that here. Sorry, you’ll have to get on a different flight.” I filed a complaint with Allegiant, and I now have a $2000 voucher if anyone is looking to take a vacation.
A lot of people (more than one) asked me how much the ticket was and was it worth it? First off, rude. You don’t ask someone how much they make a year, so don’t ask how much they spent on NBA finals tickets. (More than $20 is the correct answer.) And to answer the second question: absolutely, it was worth it! I have watched every NBA Finals since I was 12. It’s my favorite sporting event and I had an opportunity to go. Heck yeah, it was worth it. And it sure beats getting punched in the nuts.
bteamballer 
Eric, your posts always make my day! 😂
Sent from my iPhone
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“Ugly picture, but it was so fun.” I think that’s actually a really nice photo. You can tell you’re having the best day.
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