Five years ago (math says four, I say five) on a Sunday afternoon I had an idea that I should write a satirical newsletter of my year. Little did I know that this would ignite a passion for writing that I don’t think anyone saw coming. Now five years later, desperate for some clicks, here is my first step into creative writing:
(side note, I’m too cheap to buy the extension that lets you put footnotes in the blog so they will be in parentheses and italicized but pretend you have to look all they way at the bottom of the page #runonsentance)
Eric Pacman Ricky Punt’s Christmas card extraordinaire 2k17
Hello my dear friends and family, I hope all has been well for you in 2017! Here are some of the things that I have done!
January- Started the year off with wanting to try some new things, so I decided to try hot yoga. Things did not go well. I didn’t even make it 20 minutes before I had to throw up. A close second for exciting events that happened in January was when I made it on hot 104.7’s 5- second-to-cash. I wasn’t even close. I had been calling everyday for a month and finally got on and got yellow socks.
February- In the shortest month, I was able to take a trip to the Dominican Republic with a group of men from church where we helped build a church for a community down there. It was nice to be in the Caribbean in the dead of winter but even better to see God’s kingdom throughout the world.
March- The month of March was total madness. Big Al and I were able to watch the Jackrabbits win the Summit (again). Only to be followed up with me placing dead last in the Lynde League March Madness basketball bracket challenge. (It’s ok though it’s been declared one of the most prestigious leagues in the midwest and one of the toughest to win. Double footnote I won fantasy football, so who’s the real winner?)
April- During the rainy season I had my most successful Instagram post of all time! (It was a picture of me and Karnowski, the dude from Gonzaga with a beard. The caption was who wore it better. If you don’t like my description of it you can just follow me on the gram @bteamballer.)
May- At the beginning of May, life was starting to be a little black and white so I decided to take a chance of possibly making it more vibrant by seeing Chance the Rapper perform his mixtape Coloring Book in Kansas City. It was a great weekend being able to hang out with some old friends from high school, while also finding the greatest baked beans I’ve ever had in my life.
June- June was primarily a work month with a couple weeks of it being spent in good old Yankton, SD. You know the scene in Shawshank Redemption where Red says, “May is a fine month to work outside.” Well, Yankton in June is the total opposite of that. It is miserably hot. On the bright side, Charlie’s Pizza in the River City is the best slice of za in the state.
July- It was truly Christmas in July, being able to see with the whole family. Took the annual trip to the Black Hills where we took a family hike at Sunday Gulch while I listened to the song Sunday Candy on a Sunday.(Ain’t that some inception stuff.) We took a family trip to the lake where I showed off one of my greatest skills of ordering the right amount of pizza for a group! Other events in July include proving myself as the alpha male of the family beating Alvin and Colin in a round of golf!
August- Since one rap concert a year isn’t enough, I planned a trip to attend a Kendrick Lamar concert in Lincoln NE with two of my co-workers. It was an enjoyable weekend with friends seeing the greatest rapper alive performing in his prime! (In case you’re wondering, this is the best show I’ve ever seen! Better than Kanye, Beyonce, T-Swift, J Biebs, Demi, and Ed Sheeran!)
September- At the start of September I finally got fed up with the South Dakota simple life and moved to the Hamptons! (I didn’t really move to the Hamptons, I can’t afford that. Actually i moved into a new apartment complex and the complex is called “The South Hamptons” and let’s be honest, I’m not really a hoity-toity person and wouldn’t fit in the Hamptons. I just don’t think I could live in a place with “the” in the title. I don’t think I’d fit in in the Ozarks, and didn’t even think about applying to The Ohio State University.)
October-At the end of August I took on the new title of “Funcle” (portmanteau of fun and uncle) and in October was able to visit my new baby nephew, Charley. We had an immediate connection as when I was first holding him, he farted right in my arms. Truly a great start to what hopefully will be a fantastic friendship!
November- In my birthday month (none of you got me a present, by the way), I got to see my alma mater take home the State Championship in football! It was fun to see some of my youth group kids (the Shalhomies)[I help out with Shalom’s middle and high school youth group. I’m such a good person.] hoist the title trophy! It brought joy to my heart to see the program that was just a baby when I was in high school become State Champs in just 11 years! (See that, even when I’m not working I’m still laying foundations.)
December- My big plan for Dezember (shoutout to Grandpa Lieuwen) was to attend a Jay Z concert, but he is a coward and cancelled it. He said it was because he couldn’t get the sound system or the screen to work, or something like that. But the real reason is because he didn’t sell enough tickets. It’s whatever, though. Life goes on. Anyway, I am looking forward to spending time with the Fam in Westconsin. (That’s next to Eastconsin by the way.) you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thank you for being part of my life!
Sincerely,
Eric Punt
bteamballer 