We are in for a mess of a blog post so buckle up.
In October my sister asked me to write a blog post about her as a birthday present. She told me this the day of, and didn’t give me any time to come up with any stories. We postponed with the Jacklyn post to July or next October. But the big guy’s birthday is today, and he’s a content machine, so we got the stories and we are ready to go!
My father, Alvin Punt, is my best friend. And besides that, he is also a grandfather, father, husband, and Colonel in the United States Air Force, but most importantly, he is the primary editor of bteamballer.com. If it wasn’t for him, my website would be an even bigger mess of words than it already is. So next time you see him, thank him for doing such a good job and wish him a belated happy birthday. We are not here to feed my fathers ego. He thinks highly enough of himself the way it is. So we’re going to knock him down a notch with my favorite story about my dad ever.
November 2010 for my 18th birthday (hard to believe that was 10 years ago, lol i’m so old) my parents went above and beyond for my birthday present. They got me tickets to? A pass to go? I don’t know what the correct phrase to describe it is, but I got to go skydiving. The problem: you can’t skydive in November, so we had to wait. (This doesn’t add anything to the story, but I already wrote it so deal with it.) At this point in my life I only been in an airplane one time so I was uncomfortable with the idea of flying, let alone jumping out of an airplane. I was scared to death. Al, on the other hand, was pumped. Giddy as a school girl.
The day came where we were going to make the jump. The skydiving people told us in the email all the rules, one of them being that they suggest we wear pants. Big Al said he wanted to wear shorts, so he could feel the air on his thicc boy calves and whatnot. We made the trip to Luverne, MN (Not to be confused with Luverne, ND, home of Taffy Lee Fubbins), where we got the rundown and eventually started the climb up to 10,000 feet where we would jump. I’m filling with more and more fear with every foot we ascend. We get the top and jump. I went first. As I’m free falling and seeing the tristate area rapidly get closer to my face, I thought to myself, “Why was I scared? This is the coolest thing I’ve ever done.” My tandem partner directs us to the landing area where we have a perfect landing with legs out in a sitting position, sliding on our butts. I hugged my mom and told her how much fun it was, and now we wait for my dad.
A few minutes later we see Al and his tandem partner flying in. They’re getting closer and something doesn’t look right. My dad’s body is just dangling in the harness looking deader than every dead animal that ever died. Moments later we hear his tandem partner is shouting, “AL! PICK YOUR FEET UP!” Al was doing nothing that resembled picking his feet up. Again his partner shouts, “AL! PICK YOUR FEET UP!” Alvin lay there like a slug; it was his only defense. As they got closer and closer, rather than Al’s butt being the first thing to touchdown for a perfect landing, his knees were the first thing to touch down…his poor, poor exposed knees because he thought it would be cooler to wear shorts than pants. His knees were scraped up worse than a three year old who tripped on the pavement. He came to, got unbuckled from the harness, and then puked.
The ride home was slightly awkward because you obviously want to address the passed out, puking elephant in the room, but you feel bad for the guy. I don’t think we even got to the South Dakota border before I started making fun of him. I would feel bad for him, but he hyped himself up so much for this that he had it coming.
I think I speak for all the readers at bteamballer when we say, happy birthday Al, we love you. You Dog!
And I apologize, but I still think that someday, ESPN is going to ask me to come write for them, so I do have to do a Super Bowl preview.
Tampa Bay
Negatives: I really hope they lose. I don’t like Tom Brady at all. I hate to admit it and use this language, but Brady is the GOAT. Winning this title isn’t going to make his legacy any better, he’s already incredible. Just retire and go do rich people stuff, we’re all sick of you, Tom! They don’t have a lot of other players I like so there’s not much to cheer for.
Positives: The only player I’d like to see win on the Bucs is my favorite Cornhusker Ndamukong Suh. I can only imagine winning a Super Bowl will be his second greatest accomplishment next to intercepting and running over Cody Hawkins for a touchdown in 2009. (I was at that game, 17-year-old Eric had never witnessed anything cooler.) I like Bruce Arians, so it would be nice to see him win one, but I don’t know if I want to see him win so badly that I have to see Brady win another one.
Chiefs
Negatives: Their fans are going to get real annoying real quick. I get that you didn’t win anything forever, but don’t get all entitled. Bob, you have possibly the greatest football player ever under contract for ten years; enjoy it, but don’t get cocky. We don’t need a second Patriots fan base. I have a former coworker who was a Chiefs fan (we’ll call him Wendy’s 4 for 4 to protect his identity), and he hated me so I hope his football team loses. Also Patrick Maholmes wife, Britney, seems very annoying.
Positives: Patrick Mahomes’s dad played for the Sioux Falls Canaries. (Second favorite Canarie all-time next to Juan Thomas AKA “The Large Human) Patrick is sponsored by Hy-Vee, so naturally I have to assume he has read my blog about Hy-Vee. Andy Reid is just a likable guy. Patrick Mahomes is the most talented quarterback I’ve ever seen. He wins like Brady, and has the talent of Rodgers. I love seeing generational talents dominate, so I’m pro-Patrick.
Prediction:
24-20 Chiefs, my square hits once, Andy Reid retires and Eric Bienieny takes over as HC, and I make a really good batch of wings.
As you may or may not know, by reading this particular blog post you have just added one dollar to the Eric’s Super Bowl Donation fund which this year is going to AsOne Ministries!
We are donating a dollar for every reader in honor of the Super Bowl. My Church normally does a fundraiser every Super Bowl, but due to the ongoing Coronavirus (and my built up resentment), I am not participating in Shalom’s Souper Bowl. However, we still want to give back in some way, so this is how we are rolling this year!
If you would like to donate, you can as donate at this link:
https://asoneministries.kindful.com/
Tell them Eric sent you so I get the credit.
If we get over 200 readers, I’ll finally release the AsOne blog post that’s been in the chamber for a year. Bonus: If AsOne Gets over $200 in donations (from the readers), I’ll post next week (ambitious of me) telling the story of how I tragically was not able to defend my 2019 Shalom Souperbowl crown.
bteamballer 