You got anything that really just snarfs you off? We all do, snarfing is inevitable. But, do you have something that shouldn’t snarf you off but does anyway? These are called “Pet Peeves,” and, yes, I think that is the dictionary def. I have at least five things that drive me, as the kids say, “bonkers,” and I can remember at least four (jk we got all five) of them so here we go!
Now my parents are far from perfect (they made me take them to the airport at 4 a.m. this past month), but if there is one virtue that they (mainly the Big Guy) instilled in me it’s that you don’t dribble an indoor basketball outside. The other things on this list just make me mad, but this makes me absolutely cringe. I have a nice indoor Spalding TF 1000 (TY SFCHS) and one time in college I was walking to the gym, and my friend was holding my basketball and dribbled it on the sidewalk, and I lost my shit. DO NOT DRIBBLE INDOOR BASKETBALLS OUTSIDE! It will rip up the leather and kill the life of the ball. BE A GOOD PERSON!
Number 2 shoulda been number 1 to me. If you don’t know the difference between concrete and cement then you aren’t friends with me. (I’m going to use this as an instagram caption later so don’t judge when I reuse my jokes.) Concrete is water, rock, sand and cement. It doesn’t matter if it’s hard or wet. It’s always concrete. Cement is just a powder that when mixed with the ingredients above makes concrete. My buddy (and betrayer) sent me a meme once. “Calling concrete cement is like calling cake flour.” The analogy I used for my sister-in-law (a medical doctor) is, “It’s like calling a pap smear a rectal exam, close but not really at all.” I get that both concrete and cement start with the letter “C” but, come on, know the difference!
Number 3 doesn’t happen as often to me now as a 27-year-old with no friends, but happened a lot in high school and college. People will come up to you and drop the “dude, you gotta watch this YouTube video, it’s hilarious” as they shove their iPhone in your face. Ok, first off nice to see you, too. Second, you have terrible taste in humor. This probably won’t be super funny. And third, you are going to sit here and tell me you are better at managing my time than me? (I mean, you probably are better at managing my time, but…) You don’t get to decide if I want to watch this. I’m a stubborn grown ass man who does not like to be told what to do.
Numero 4, pretty specific to the midwest/construction scene. People who pronounce these two words incorrectly: “wash” and “height”. If you say “warsh” you are an idiot (with the exception of my grandma, top 10 smartest people I know, and she’s 91-years-old and can do what she wants). Where are you finding that R? There is no R in wash! Also, people who pronounce height, “heighth” like they just add an extra h because they can. I mean, I’m not the best reader, but I’m not this dumb.
Number 5, (the reason I’m writing this BP, blog post not British Petroleum) people who call themselves “creatives”. Creatives act like they are the greatest “demographic” of people that ever existed but are also severely oppressed. The nontraditional demographic I would identify with most would be Blue Collar, but I’m creative as S. Why am I not considered creative just because I’m not a writer for a TV show? That’s crap. They think that what they do is God’s gift to the earth, and they are the only ones who have ever made people feel. I’m creative even if I don’t get paid for it, but creatives don’t have a clue how to pour a foundation (total assumption by me) so who’s really bettering the world?
bteamballer 