Hello, and welcome to Pacman Ricky’s writing workshop 2k20. I’m going to take you behind the curtain and show you the difficulties that come with being a self-published author. (Todd, you could learn something here, so pay attention)
The most difficult part of writing is finding that sweet spot that is a subject that I enjoy and want to write about that is also something people would actually read about. (In a shocking turn of events, my three most successful posts in terms of clicks are all about myself. Turns out the public loves me…I can get behind that.) This can be more difficult than you think. Here is a chart that demonstrates the public’s interests vs. my own personal passions.
As you can see we (the general public and I) do not have a lot in common besides ABC’s The Bachelor. Now before I sell out and change the domain name to bachelorteamballer.com, I have one last article I want to write covering a subject that I am very passionate about and the general public couldn’t give a poop about, let alone care about my opinions on it.
THE OSCAR SHORTS!
I have been watching the Oscar-nominated short films for 4 years now. From ages 16 to 19, I wanted to be a filmmaker, the only problem was that I was not creative or ambitious. Still a lover of film (I sound like a college basketball coach describing someone as “a student of the game” – I hate that), I would like to watch all the Oscar-nominated whatnots and give an educated (or uneducated) opinions on them. However, that takes a lot of time. I thought instead if I focus on one category, short film, I can knock those out in 4 hours and I still look cultured! The live action films are usually 15-25 minutes and the animated shorts 5-10 minutes. Although they are significantly shorter than regular films, they pack in just as much drama, so they get intense in a hurry. I usually attend these by myself. I say usually because once a person asked, “Hey can I come to the Oscar shorts with you?” I told them “You aren’t going to like it.” And guess what, I was right! They asked to leave early and I said, “Sorry, bro, this is my Super Bowl, we’re sticking around till Patrick Mahones says he’s going to Disney World.”* (*not an exact quote)
Here is me giving a two sentence summary for every nominated film and the agenda/issue it brings up:
Live Action
- Brotherhood: A Tunisian son returns to his family with his new wife after being in Syria for years. The father assumes his son was involved with ISIS and calls the cops before he can communicate with his son. In a Romeo and Juliet situation, all three of the father’s sons are taken away before he can warn them.
- NEFTA Football Club: In a rare live action short comedy, two young brothers in Tunisia find a donkey holding a white, powdery substance. (I don’t want to just assume it’s cocaine, who knows, maybe it’s flour.) When they bring it back to their village, the older of the two tells some guys that he’ll sell it to them. When he brings the guys to where he was hiding it, it’s gone. He asks the younger brother what he did with it. The younger brother tells him he used it to make lines for the football pitch.
- The Neighbors’ Window: A 30ish Chicago couple with 3 kids become fascinated with watching their hot, young neighbors party and live a fun life. The young husband across the street gets cancer and dies. The 30ish lady runs into the young widower. The widower let her know that she and her husband had watched their family and were fascinated with them as well.
- Saria: The story is about two Guatemalan sisters who lead an orphanage escape. They are captured and tragically die in a fire.
- A Sister: A woman is taken into a car by a man she doesn’t know somewhere in Europe. She calls the emergency number (I believe it’s 911, but I don’t know if that’s universal). She uses code to let the dispatcher know she is in trouble.
Animated
- Daughter: A silent film about a dying father and his daughter’s relationship. They both remember the rocky parts, but then we see how they restored their relationship in the end.
- Hair Love: Dreamworks’ short about a black dad working with his pre kindergarten aged daughter to make her hair pretty while his wife (a hairstylist) is in the hospital with cancer.
- Kitbull: A Disney Pixar film about a kitty and a pitbull finding love. Interspecies couples make me sick.
- Memorable: An artist and his wife are dealing with the pain of his ever-increasing dementia.
- Sister: A Chinese man is telling us about growing up with a sister, all to have him tell us his sister was aborted because of China’s one child policy.
Predictions:
What I think should win Live Action: The Neighbors’ Window was my favorite: slightly humorous with a not-too-pushy of a message (also made me cry). The old couple was jealous of the youth, the young couple was jealous of the older couples established life. We need to enjoy where we are and who we are with, life is short, enjoy it.
What I think should win Animated: I wasn’t the biggest fan of the 5 films they gave me. I hope that Kitbull doesn’t get it, but that’s my bias against Disney. (If you want me to write for you, Disney, I’ll delete this post and move straight to Orlando, I’m a total sellout.) Visually, Memorable and Daughter were beautiful. I liked Daughter a little more. Sadly, though, I don’t think it stands a chance.
Ok, now for the real reason you guys are here: you want to know how I did on the LSAT. I would like to remind everyone that I was short on sleep and did not study. I would also like to remind everyone that I had zero intentions of actually going to law school which is good, because I only got a 136. Elle Woods got a 179, a perfect score is 180, and the lowest you can get is 120. 150 is average, and you need 145 to get into USD. I’m not even good enough for USD, that hurts. I was in the 7th percentile, humbling to say the least.
I try not to make excuses, but if I did, here is what they would be: One of my two favorite ice breaker questions is, “Do you think you are the smartest dumb person or the dumbest smart person?” I’ve wanted so badly to be the dumbest smart person, and I figured only smart people take the LSAT, right? If I’m in the bottom 7% of smart people, I can live with that. But you know what, I spent $200 to take a test to get into a school I don’t want to go to…not a smart person move. At the end of the day most law school students don’t know where to put Z-ties on a 4 inch offset of a T-wall, so we’ll call it even.
Now wasn’t this fun? At the end of the day we all got what we wanted. You got to hear my LSAT score and can make fun of me the next time you see me. And I got to tell my baker’s dozen subscribers my thoughts on short films they didn’t watch! That’s even more of a win-win than having Oscar wear the baby playing saxophones as a shirt. (See how I made an Oscar from The Office reference in my Oscars blog? I might be biased, but I’m hilarious.)
bteamballer 