Alright boys and girls, let’s get out our Bob Ross Joy of Painting kits because we’re going to paint a picture.
Imagine it’s 5:45 am, Big Sean’s “Stick to the Plan” starts playing on your phone notifying you that it’s the worst part of your day, time to get up. Your bed is warm, your house is a cool 63℉, and outside is a miserable 20℉ (-7℃ for my international readers). You are dreading leaving your bed let alone going outside. Finally, the strength is mustered up. You get out, and you get dressed; long johns, wool socks, thermal top, sweatshirt, muck boots. It’s a battle with the cold out there, and you ain’t losing. As the final drops of that sweet bean juice filter through your Mr. Coffee, you put on the finishing touches of your armor. Your Carhartt coat and high vis Carhartt hat. Your pants are going to get wet. Your boots may be insulated, but you know by 3:00 pm your feet will be cold. The only articles of clothing you have faith in are your hat and coat. You wear that goofy C-wave logo like a badge of honor. You’re a man (or woman) of the industry. You work hard sunup to sundown, no matter the terrain or weather. You are the backbone of America, Big Ten Football might as well be your middle name, and what keeps you warm is Carhartt. You’ve earned it buddy.
And scene.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you can’t wear Carhartt. In fact, I think Carhartt themselves wants you to buy their stuff (free market capitalism baby!). I won’t tell you “you can’t,” I’m just gonna do the “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed,” and make you feel bad so you stop buying them.
My humble opinion: The only ones deemed worthy to sport it are those of us that work in what I like to call “the industry”. Who are those who work in the “industry“? Well, if you have to ask, it’s probably not you. Concrete guys obviously fit into the mold, but other blue collar jobs do too; carpenters, plumbers, electricians, mechanics.
I would like to make a point here and say farmers are not part of the industry, although they are allowed to wear Carhartt only because they feed us. They don’t work as hard as they say they do. I like how Obi-Wan describes farmers in Empire: “He’s more machine than man. His mind is twisted and evil.” (JK LOL ANF 4 LYFE)
So we learned who can wear Carhartt, but who can’t? Basically everyone else, but here are the 3 I have the biggest beef with.
- The Kardashian-Jenner clan. You are going to sit here and tell me Psalm West is working concrete? Little Stormi is out here humping 9 foot pans? Doubt it. I know they’re just babies and probably didn’t pick out their own clothes, but for real…Kim and Kylie, your children are the last people who should be wearing Carhartt. Your kids should be wearing clothes from some company I’ve never heard of, not the same thing as me.
- The Hipster/Art Major/College students. The Carhartt stocking caps are neutral colors and can go with anything. There’s a variety of colors, and they are inexpensive. So you buy a brown, navy, and pink one at ten bucks apiece. Three hats, 30 bucks. Not a bad deal, right? Wrong! It is a bad deal because it’s not $30, it’s $39, because you dang college kids drove up the price on these bad boys. I bought my first Carhartt hat for $9. Same hat, same store (Campbells Supply 49th & Western–sponsor me please) is now $13 dollars. That’s a 44% price increase in a short 7 years! That’s crazy! In that same time gold has only gone up 15%. Carhartt hats are literally more valuable than gold! The sad thing is the people you are screwing by these price increases are people in “the industry” (and farmers).
- This is gonna trip some triggers, but the last group of people who shouldn’t wear Carhartt is…drum roll please…Feed Salesmen. This guy, he knows about farming, or he sells ya tools if you are a construction guy, but he’s not out there getting his paws dirty. He could tell you the price of corn on any given day, but he don’t care at the end of the day, ‘cause it aint gonna affect his livelihood. If most of your business is done inside the F-150, that’s a problem. It’s a means of transportation, not a worksite. I award you no Carhartt, and may God have mercy on your soul. (Lenny, if you are reading this, it doesn’t apply to you. You’re my boy.)
Everyone needs to stay warm, there’s no disputing that. But leave the Carhartt for the people of the industry (and farmers). Go wear your Columbias, NorthFaces, and Patagonias, but as for Carhartt, would you please stop? I’m Scott Hoy.
bteamballer 